But the Husband's great grandmother, affectionately known as Ah Tai & was a century old, passed away just 4-5 days before my birthday.
So some customers might have realised I am taking slightly longer to reply emails these 1-2 weeks and the delay in a new launch.
I wanted to do my part to help Ah Tai.
I remember when we got married, Ah Tai came all the way down to Singapore from Kuala Lumpur. I met her for the first time on my wedding day. With her pristine white hair neatly bun up and in her samfu, she was holding on to my hand, smiling sweetly and was a picture of old-age bliss. I was thinking to myself, if I looked like that when I am 98 years old, I would die pretty with no regrets. Superficial, I know.
So this year, for the first time ever, I have no birthday cake. I wasn't quite used to it with this year's birthday being a somewhat solemn affair. My birthday passed, as if it was a normal day in the calendar.
But then again, celebrating my birthday while mourning the death of a beloved one just doesn't click.
After/nearing Ah Tai's passing on, I heard stories on how the sons were not treating her well, pushing responsibility towards each other on who should take care of Ah Tai, Ah Tai's missing gold jewellery and even tying Ah Tai's hands together, because they found her a nusiance. One grandson-in-law was even too complacent to make the trip to Kuala Lumpur from Singapore and rather stayed at home to watch TV.
My blood boils when I hear stories like these. I can't understand why their conscience won't bother them and how they can still sleep well at night. How dare you. Hey, don't you understand what's Karma? You may not believe in it, but it's there. What goes around comes around.
One thing lucky about my Husband's family is that they are all Buddhists, even their family dogs. I think family bonds are strengthened when everyone share the same religion. Even more wonderful when they all took refuge under the same Buddhist master. No conflicting beliefs/practices that can make things worse or cause the deceased to turn in her grave.
So within these crucial 49 days after Ah Tai's passing on,
sister-in-law is chalking up 1000 times of chanting a particular sutra,
the family is folding & burning a lotus for Ah Tai everyday,
and me copying a sutra, for it to go with the L-sized lotus. Takes about 3 hours to complete one book. Never knew it was so back/neck/arm-breaking to do so. Even more tiring than replying emails. But as long as I can do something for Ah Tai. Replying emails have given me good training.
All of us are making time to dedicate our daily chants/prayers for Ah Tai to be reborn in the Pureland. So far, between the 4-5 of us who have a habit of chanting daily, we have accumulated about 30-40 sessions in these 2 weeks after Ah Tai's bereavement. Got to work harder at this.
It is a very depressing feeling when someone dear fell very sick suddenly.
I'm not a doctor, I can't heal her.
I'm not a trained counsellor, I can't say anything to help alleivate her suffering.
It's like no matter what fantastic worldly skill I have is nothing but rubbish in the face of death. Just stand there & feel so dumb. I don't know why on earth some people who are blood related can feel nothing at all.
If not for a religion, I would be useless when someone dear passed on.
At least, now I can do something and I believe in it. Strongly.
Ah Tai, I only saw you once and never again. I wish I knew of your condition earlier so that I can help you in whatever little way I can. I hope it's not late now. Don't be afraid, you are in our prayers. =)
Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu
