ROTTEN APPLE

Growing up, I used to wonder how it is like to have a sister who is very close to you. Someone who have your back and you have hers. Someone whom you can share tons of clothes, shoes and bags with. Someone whom you gave her your absolute trust and vice versa. Someone who is sensible and knows better when you don't. Someone who will help you out with parental obligations and never leave you to fight a lone battle.

I guess I will never know. 

There are many blogshops that are run by sisters. When I read their blogs, I sometimes think if only I have one, just one, reliable sister, how great things will be.

I grew up in a family of drama. There's always some sob story waiting to unfold. Something that digs all the inner strength & sanity out of me, leaving me drained and helpless. Just like the phrase, "一波未平，一波又起".

There were moments I asked myself just what was worth living for. But the thought of suicide was too harrowing. My parents were still around and I don't believe in 白頭人送黑頭人.

In my growing up years, I'm thankful that I have a pool of girlfriends whom I can count on to put up with me crying over the phone again and again. 天果然無絕人之路。It must have been tough on them though.

When I was looking for a husband, his family background actually becomes a very crucial criteria. I do not wish for my children to live in emotional turmoil.

Once in a while, I get an email/comment from a customer/reader who admire me for my determination in making Tian Fen Lan works. You know, if you grew up the way I did, you would too. For the first 20 years of my life, I have been telling myself that I can make things work, that my life can be stable and peaceful and that I can create happiness once I grow up,

If not for everyone, at least for myself. 

 

metta, 

欣雨 Xinyu

 
曾經經常埋怨，學佛之後，才明白什麽是宿福，什麽是宿業。