ROTTEN APPLE

Growing up, I used to wonder how it is like to have a sister who is very close to you. Someone who have your back and you have hers. Someone whom you can share tons of clothes, shoes and bags with. Someone whom you gave her your absolute trust and vice versa. Someone who is sensible and knows better when you don't. Someone who will help you out with parental obligations and never leave you to fight a lone battle.

I guess I will never know. 

There are many blogshops that are run by sisters. When I read their blogs, I sometimes think if only I have one, just one, reliable sister, how great things will be.

I grew up in a family of drama. There's always some sob story waiting to unfold. Something that digs all the inner strength & sanity out of me, leaving me drained and helpless. Just like the phrase, "一波未平，一波又起".

There were moments I asked myself just what was worth living for. But the thought of suicide was too harrowing. My parents were still around and I don't believe in 白頭人送黑頭人.

In my growing up years, I'm thankful that I have a pool of girlfriends whom I can count on to put up with me crying over the phone again and again. 天果然無絕人之路。It must have been tough on them though.

When I was looking for a husband, his family background actually becomes a very crucial criteria. I do not wish for my children to live in emotional turmoil.

Once in a while, I get an email/comment from a customer/reader who admire me for my determination in making Tian Fen Lan works. You know, if you grew up the way I did, you would too. For the first 20 years of my life, I have been telling myself that I can make things work, that my life can be stable and peaceful and that I can create happiness once I grow up,

If not for everyone, at least for myself. 

 

metta, 

欣雨 Xinyu

 
曾經經常埋怨，學佛之後，才明白什麽是宿福，什麽是宿業。

Because you brought me up

Hi gals! *waves* Aaah, glad to have this little pocket of time to blog a short entry again! Miss writing & talking to you gals!

I'm surprised that it has been 2.5 weeks since my last entry. Half a month! Time flies when work is eating me up! Apart from keeping up with weekly launches and cracking my head about the next direction to bring TFL to, I have been crashing myself in stocks for the past 2 weeks. My stocks now have a new home! The thing about stocks is...you think a bigger space is better, but once we moved everything into the space, suddenly it looks really tiny. Uh oh. Never mind, I'm just happy that things are a tad more organized now and that means faster parcel packing!

Gonna turn in soon because heading for Mothers' Day breakfast at Tiong Bahru Market later!

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Overheard the other day:

Married man in his 40s: I think women should also serve NS. Because we men have been doing so much NS, so women should be enlisted too. If so, I would like to volunteer my wife for NS!

High-ranking army guy: Actually women are already serving NS. When you are away, your wife is working to feed your family, taking care of the household, keeping your house in order, taking care of your children and doing your laundry. And they do it all year round.

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I was grinning from ear to ear when I heard this reply. Women can be so underrated. And so are mothers. 

My Saturday was spent doing TFL work, processing orders that needed courier delivery prior to Mothers' Day. One of the best things about selling bags is never have to worry about sizing problems when getting bags as gifts. 

Was writing a note for a customer this afternoon who wanted the bag to be couriered as a surprise gift and also to cheer her mum up. It was a couple of short paragraphs. But as I was writing it, I could feel the love she has for her mum and at the same time, the love I have for my own mum too. It was a tad ironic because I would probably never write that for my own mother, yet there I was, spending the afternoon writing notes for other mothers. 

Don't write doesn't mean don't care, Mum. I love you, even though you can be annoying at times. Most of the times, actually. Ya, I know me too. I know you love me. Though not in a way I hope you does, I'm contented that I have your sort-of-unconditional love. Hahaha. I know if the sky falls down on me one day, I can always, always, always run back to you. I never used to think much of that, but as I grow up, I realise how big your love has been. You have mine too, just so you know. You are always wishing that I'm more like other good daughters who you always talk about. All these years, I have come to terms that we will never have the same frequency and probably bicker & squabble for the rest of our lives, but at the very least, our love for each other are no less inferior to that of each other. I love you, Mum. No matter how far I am living from you. No matter how un-bothered I seems. No matter how busy I am with work. Thank you for all that you have done for me! I thought I knew how noble you are when I was an angsty teenager. Took my 30s to knock more sense into me. Better late than never, right?

Happy Mothers' Day to all mums in the world! May everyday be full of happiness & blessings for you, Mum!

Metta,

欣雨 Xinyu

Back in Singapore!

I'm so so so so so HAPPY that I made it to Grandmaster's puja in Jakarta! It is one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences and no-matter-what-must-make-it kind! As with all good things in life, there's always some struggles and setbacks before we made it to Jakarta! I'm glad we all pulled through!

 

Jonas pants from PolkaDotPigs. An upcoming bag on Tian Fen Lan! Next next collection in 4 colours! I have a penchant for yellow/mustard bags! Even if they outright-ly clash with my outfits. Don't care! Still love! I mean, can't be yellow match with yellow/creams/browns only right? Sounds boring. Mad love the suede fringe and bucket effect at the opening! I think this colour will goes well with dainty frocks too. It's like adding a bad-ass bag to a pretty outfit!

Sometimes customers will email me saying that TFL bags are all too nice and wish I didn't bring in so many colours for them to choose. They say it's always a headache choosing a colour to buy. I know how that feels. For my case, apart from a black bag for down days, I like my bags colourful, no matter what outfit I'm wearing!  In fact, TFL is one of the very few bag blogshops that offer such huge variety of colours!

Hmm, looking at the photo above, I think I stand better for photos when I wear heels. But my 2-inch heels have a been a pain for my legs! So I wore my G2000 oxfords whose shoelaces are now officially missing. No idea where they went!

On hindsight, I think I should have tucked in my blouse. But I was just feeling too tired from all the parcel packing after my luggage unpacking. #nonstoppackingunpacking. Almost wore the outfit without the satin blazer actually. I was prepared to look unkempt till I remembered Mum asked her friends along. And knowing how my Mum always has a thing for looking polished. =___=

Wore this outfit to my mum's steamboat birthday dinner yesterday night. Had wanted to bring her to Ikoi at Miramar. In fact, I had wanted to do so for the last 2 years, but everytime something will crop up. This time, Mum said she had ulcers and wanted something soupy. So it was off to Rangoon Road Fish-head steamboat...again. 

Guess where am I seated? *grins*

Mum invited 2 of her long-time friends and their husbands. When I say long-time, I really mean long-time! One of them was Mum's primary school friend and the other was the elder sister of that friend. They knew one another since Mum was 8! That's like 50 years of friendship! 

Guess what kept them together for so long? Mahjong. Hahaha!

Rangoon Road's Whampoa Fish-head steamboat is really yummy by the way! I love their broth! With so many of us yesterday, I didn't get to eat as much fish and vegetables as I would like. No big deal, as long as Mum is happy! 

Reminded her not to eat those herbal jelly made from powdered turtle shells after the steamboat. I really think some delicacies can be done without.

Only thing about such gatherings with Mum's friends is I get a lot of unwelcome questions & comments thrown my way. 

What are you working as now?

Selling bags? Branded bags? No?

But you studied so much and are still so young, why don't you work for a big company?

You can get CPF and won't have to slough so hard physically to earn that amount of money!

Auntie has 2 grandsons, so when it's your turn to make your mum a granny?

I tell you, it's very important to have CPF in your a/c.

 You looked like Gigi Leung when you were younger and had short hair!

Actually you also look like Daniel Chan! The mouth part!

Right after the last comment, the Husband commented I resembled Michelle Chong too. Then the auntie said, "No no no no! Michelle Chong is not as pretty! More like Daniel Chan!"

*takes a deep breath to calm down*

Maybe my outfit is too androgynous. @$^#%*

Nah, it's not like I'm offended or miffed. Just, well, you know...

It's a tad tiring to prove to others why online retail is just as feasible a occupation too. Next time I will just say I'm a housewife and that I'm an expert in scrubbing toilet bowls and keeping my toilet clean with perfect white grout. Try beating that. 

After dinner, we drove my mum back and amidst the usual squabbles between my mum and I, Mum said her heart didn't seem to be working well recently. We walked over to Tiong Bahru Plaza, wanting to get Really Raw Honey (it works very well for hearts with no strength)  from Guardian, but that branch was too small for a botttle of this really good and premium honey. Gonna try buying it later at Compass Point.

I gave my parents a 护牌 each that I bought from the puja at Jakarta. The 护牌 have been blessed by my Grandmaster. 坐飞机回来的! I lug almost 2 kg of new purchases back!

It's a strange and yet heartwarming feeling of deja-vu being the giver of such accessories with divine protection, because when I was young, it was my dad who would give us, the children, such stuff, telling us the benefits of wearing them and reminding us to wear them no matter what. Now it's my turn. And the reason for giving? No less than the love my dad has for us.

That's Domino's Pizza takeaway at Blk 111, Jalan Bukit Merah! Near my parents' home!

To save some waiting time, we called to place an order through the delivery hotline before driving over. #sosmart

Best discovery of this week is finding out that Domino's Pizza in Singapore is just as great as back in LA, albeit with a slightly thicker crust! And you know what! A personal pan pizza with a can of Coke/Sprite is only S$7.80! 

I love Spizza for its thin crust! But Domino's has the usual Hawaiian range, less expensive and like what they claimed, you can really taste the freshness in their ingredients! Both beats Pizza Hut ANYTIME!!!

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

Insurance matters (pun intended)

On Thursday afternoon, I accompanied Grandaunt to NTUC Income at Bras Basah. It was almost impossible to get me away from TFL work on a weekday afternoon, with the parcels and emails always piling up. I hardly pick up calls or reply smses in the daytime, even if they are from my mother or the Husband. But it was very rare that Grandaunt needed a favour from me. At 72 and single, she has always been very independent and self-sufficient.

On top of that, I'm the only working adult in the family that understands insurance matters and have flexible working time.

Grandaunt bought an insurance policy at age 54. That was 17 years ago. So one day, when she got my mother to help her interpret a letter of insurance summary from NTUC Income, my mum told her to terminate the policy.

Reckless is the word here. My mother did not attempt to understand the policy nature, the breakeven point, the coverage of the policy and how relevant/useful it might be to Grandaunt. Mum's logic was at 72, there was no need for Grandaunt to continue paying for a policy. She said it was a burden for Grandaunt and tried to convince me that Grandaunt was keen to terminate the policy and needed the extra cash.

Knowing my mum, I was sceptical.

So on Thursday, when Grandaunt and I were at NTUC Income, we sat down with a random financial consultant in a bid to know more about what policy my Grandaunt bought. I wanted to know what it covered, the sum assured, the breakeven point, the bonuses, their growth rates and if any interest was given for the bonuses kept with them.

Took us half an hour and 3 different staff but it was a good half an hour spent.

Deciphering insurance illustration takes a lot of patience and skill for the layman who is not interested in numbers. Tons of them. It would have been easy to just ask the consultant explain everything, without pouring through the papers. But how would we know it was really everything that was said? That the consultant did not miss out anything accidentally or intentionally? I can't be sure, so I rather do the dirty work myself.

It was a life insurance policy that covered 30 critical illnesses, total permanent disability & death. Either one happen, Grandaunt can make a one-time claim. The sum assured was pathetic. Firstly, the amount of premiums my Grandaunt has paid for the past 17 years is already more than the sum assured. Continuous payment would just tip the scales further. Secondly, apart from Medishield, Grandaunt does not have any hospitalisation or surgical policy. The sum assured will definitely not be enough if Grandaunt is diagnosed with a critical illness or TPD and requires long-term medical care. Death would have been cheaper. #justsaying

Sum assured  <  premiums paid over 17 years

Buying a life insurance policy at age 54 wasn't a wise choice, in my opinion. For the same amount of premium Grandaunt pays every month, term insurance might have been cheaper and offers more coverage. I was still schooling when Grandaunt was 54 and had very little knowledge of insurance, compared to now. I wondered what the insurance agent had in mind when he proposed this life insurance policy to Grandaunt. I hope it wasn't the huge commission difference between selling a life insurance policy and a term insurance policy.

The only benefit is the bonuses that are distributed by NTUC Income yearly.

Sum assured + bonuses accumulated over 17 years  >  premiums paid

That was the only way this policy made any sense. The thing is bonuses are never guaranteed. It is always an assumed figure that the insurer gives in the illustration, based on past performance. The past, however, does not secure the future.

For this policy, the bonuses kept with the insurer do not grow, apart from the annual giveout. This was unlike my endowment policy with Prudential, where bonuses earn a few percent interest annually if I do not cash them out.

And you know what, it's another 16 more years before the cash value (if opting for termination) exceeds the premium paid . Early termination definitely meant loss of thousands. Based on calculations of the performance of fixed deposits, bonds and even gold, my Grandaunt would have earned more if she had placed her money in these instruments for the past 17 years. Then again, the premiums paid were accumulated over 17 years and not a lump sum amount.

Yes, it might be like a saving-for-the-unforeseen thing but still this policy does not make sense to me numerically.

Coming from a low-income background, Grandaunt was bewildered at the thought of losing thousands of dollars after 17 years. So the policy remains, because of this inequality equation:

Sum assured + bonuses accumulated over XX years  >  premiums paid

If anything happens to Grandaunt, this policy would be profitable, so to say.

It is apparent that a portion of the premiums goes to NTUC Income's investments. NTUC, like most insurers, buys bonds and other stable securities and gives back a percentage of the returns to its policyholders in the form of bonuses. This reminds me of investment-linked policies (I never believe in those), except you don't get to choose the funds and exposure to risk is kept to the lowest.
Buying life insurance is not a way to grow your finances. It is to protect your finances if anything happens to your health. Life insurance should not be bought based on projected figures. It should always be based on what is guaranteed.

17 years ago, it would have made more sense if Mr Insurance Agent has recommended term insurance + hospitalisation & surgical policies to Grandaunt. Because along these 17 years, Grandaunt has done 2 operations which cost her thousands of dollars. Yet, she can't claim from her insurer because there is no critical illness.

So gals, before you buy anything for yourself or your parents, do your research carefully and understand your needs thoroughly.

After the financial consultant was done explaining Grandaunt's policy, he waited at the sides for a while before coming up to me and asked, "Miss, by any chance, will you be considering buying a savings policy?"

I smiled back at him and shook my head.

It was savings policy that he asked. He didn't offer to do a financial assessment for me, to see if I'm adequately covered in critical aspects. I don't know if that crossed his mind or he would ask later on, if I had agreed to speak more with him.

I understand the need for sales staff to be proactive. With the carrot dangling in front, every agent is bound to say his company's policy is good enough or better than the rest. That may or may not be true.

And I worry how the average consumer will know. Especially the older folks.

A random picture to end off this post! I love parcel posting at the airport! Long opening hours + No heavy lugging with the readily available trolleys, no matter how many bags I have! Woohoo!

Metta, 

欣雨 Xinyu

Chocolate Fondue on Boxing Day!

Mum-in-law's birthday falls on Boxing Day. For many years, I remember Mum will be cooking her birthday meals, in anticipation of the gathering of her 3-generation family. Because of the proximity to X'mas Day, the home-cooked buffet spread will always have festive dishes and her birthday cakes have been too many log cakes for too long. My in-laws are very frugal in nature. They believe in savings than spending, a rule that has served them well through these decades. But honestly, who cooks on their own birthday? Not me, for sure. Dad-in-law is a lucky man.

The Husband's family loves gathering together. It can be the birthday of any random family member or just a simple weekend mahjong session. I wasn't brought up to be so 'homely', so to say. This was really something new to me when I was living with my in-laws.

For Mum's last birthday, I decided that enough is enough. No birthday girl should be toiling in the kitchen on her big day. She usually cooks 9-10 different dishes for such buffets. Imagine the work! So the Husband, siblings-in-law and I decided to have a potluck party. We will don the apron strings, just for Mum!

Turned out not as easy as I thought. What we like to eat (and hence, can cook) and what the elders like to eat are 2 diffferent worlds altogether.

I wanted to do something different for Mum too. She is like the best mum-in-law in the world! Not that I have had more than 1 mother-in-law to arrive at that conclusion, but really, I think she's even more amazing than my own mother! At the very least, she doesn't have a ferocious temperament like my mother. (Pretty sure my mum doesn't know of my blog's existance. And my nieces, if you are reading this, you know better than to tell my mum.) 

Was berating the Husband how as the eldest child, he has never taken the initiative to lead his siblings to do something special for his mother. No wonder some people say having a daughter is better than a son sometimes. 女兒比較會有父母的心。

I was so pleased with myself when I thought of renting a chocolate fondue fountain, as a surprise for Mum. It's something fascinating & entertaining for everyone! Dad-in-law likes chocolate and my geomancer has told us that this is a suitable food for them, according to the elements they lack in their birth charts. So yes, I'm a genius! =D

I spent a lot of time googling for such rental services and although there were 3 possible options, Liquid Chocolate turned out to be the most feasible.

I opted for the Basic Rental package, chose the 16" Chocolate Fountain (the smallest & ideal for small parties of 10-20), which includes 1kg of fountain milk chocolate, 400g of marshmallow and 40 satay stick. This came up to S$65 for a one-day rental. I admit, I found it a bit expensive. I mean, it's the same machine that is going around for a while, and S$65 + S$120 refundable deposit+self-collection at Amoy Street? I can buy some very nice cakes with that!

If I opt for the machine without the condiments, only a miserable sum would be deducted from the price. I knew Phoon Huat sells such fountain milk chocolate for fondue but time was not on our side then. Work at TFL was very hectic pre-X'mas. So aiyah, just pay lah!

Wasn't quite impressed when the Husband showed me the machine he collected. The lady boss of Liquid Chocolate ran through the machine set-up with the Husband and tested the machine during self-collection. Apart from fixing sling straps on bags, I'm lousy at setting up such stuff.

Potluck means packing & carrying lots and lots of food in various bag sizes (basically whatever bags that we can dig up) from home to party venue and making sure nothing get left behind at home. That also means a lot of yelling at home pre-departure. Haha!

The food provided by Liquid Chocolate. This was my first time seeing this brand of Fountain Dipping Candy by Chocolate Line. Given how often I stalk Cold Storage, I'm pretty sure this is not available at most supermarkets. The packaging looks really classy. One packet of this would have cost S$19 from Liquid Chocolate.

While unpacking the fountain from the box, we realised it was the same brand as the Fountain Dipping Candy. I've never heard of this brand before. But the box design looked European, I thought.

Halal chocolate! I thought it was really awesome how many food companies sell food products that cater to our Muslim friends too. While reading the instructions, Auntie-in-law said Tuesday Report did an interview with this company just one or two weeks before Mum's birthday on how their high-quality chocolate are made in Singapore and exported to European markets. They are rarely sold in Singapore. That explained their expensive-looking packaging!

This is 1kg of chocolate that you are looking at. I was expecting the chocolate to be thicker and more nugget-looking. This was like chocolate chips. But I guess this facilitates melting. One uncle took a chip and said it was really good!

Although the glass bowl looked full to the brim, don't worry about chocolate overflowing when it melts, because there are gaps in between the chips and after melting, the bowl was only 3 quarters full.

Off into the microwave it went! This is the fastest & easiest way to melt the chocolate! Only 40 seconds needed!

Who buys what, who cooks what! The roles were delegated before the potluck, to prevent duplication and ensure variety. Here's cut fruits by Brother-in-law for the fondue! There were even bananas and watermelons!

But 人算不如天算. With everyone contributing something, even though the guests didn't have to, there were too many dishes on the table after al. =D

Happy was most happy to see so many of us gathered there! The previous family dog was a singing talent.  Mickey will be barking in unison while we sing the Birthday song. Happy, however, hasn't show any signs of such talent yet.

Tadah! This special guest was so special that it got a table of its own! Doesn't it look so inviting & party-appropriate?

Auntie-in-law! She's a very humourous lady. Together with the uncles, they laid down all the rules for everyone, before we had a go at the fountain.

"Eh, eh, NO double dipping!! Hygenic hygenic!"

"Don't take so much chocolate! That's all we have for the night!"

"Dessert first! Come queue up! Queue up! Don't push har! DON'T push!"

The family were having so much fun with the fondue that they dipped some marshmallows to share with the neighbour's kids. At that time, we were running short of the chocolate, so Big Uncle said, "Aiyah, no need to dip the whole marshmallow, just some on the side will do! If the whole thing is covered with chocolate, they won't know what you are offering to them! At least partially dipped, they can see that it's a marshmallow!"

Hahahaha!

There were about 20 of us and 1kg of chocolate was supposed to be enough. But Chocolate Line's chocolate was heavenly! My goodness, of all the chocolate fondues I have had at Haagen Dazs, Meltz at Mandarin Oriental, The Line at Shangri-la, Cafe Brio at Grand Copthorne & others, NONE of them come close to the rich & intense chocolate taste as Chocolate Line!

I wasn't expecting that great a standard, thinking it will be just like any other fondue and on Liquid Chocolate's website, there was no mention on how great-tasting their chocolate is. I was so pleasantly surprised at how dark-chocolate tasting their milk chocolate is! Awesome!

I would have ordered 2 packs if I know how well-received the fountain and the chocolate will be by everyone in the family! 老少咸宜and wholesome fun!

My plate of chocolate fruits! I think I had at least 10-12 sticks that night! Yummy yummy yummy!!!!

Found this photo amusing, because towards the end of the night, the uncles made themselves comfortable sat around the fountain, made small talk. And you guess it, NON-STOP fruits dipping!

The machine could only be on for 2 hours to prevent overheating. So after 2 hours of fun for everyone, the uncles were scrapping whatever they could from the remnants. Talk about regardless of age!

Washing up of the fountain was troublesome, as we the Husband had to dismantle tier by tier and swept off the liquid chocolate into a small bowl. If you are one to host regular home parties, I think such fountains will make great conversation-starter!

Come to think of it, why don't those candy bar services provide such chocolate fountains?

Mum-in-law birthday present from her daughter & son-in-law! They got it from Singapore Ebay for about S$600+. I had read about such stuff and didn't really know how useful such a cleaning machine was. Sister had been using this at her home for a while and she no longer sweeps the floor! I remember her telling me there's a wet version that does mopping! Cool!

The boys with some random dust to test the machine. Boys & gadgets.

This comes with 2 sensors that you can place at certain areas to prevent the robot from trepassing e.g. the altar. According to Sister, after a few cleaning rounds, the robot will remember the layout of the house and how to get about its cleaning in the most efficient way. A cleaning schedule can be set in the robot, say every morning 10am, the robot will do its round and when done, it returns to its charging station.

Amazing! Only thing is I find it a tad too noisy. But hey, clean house!

O-Photography

Home-baked tiramisu by Brother and his girlfriend! It had Bailey's so I didn't get to try. The Husband said it was delicious and better than the orange birthday cake Sister had gotten. =P

O-Photography

All the rush and frantic preparations became worth it because of this smile. =)

I hope to do something like this for my mother. She likes things grander and rowdier though. And provided we don't end up quarrelling. Oh well! Happy Thursday, folks!




Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

This is not right

 It's not quite right when I couldn't contact my dad for days.

I thought he's just too busy to return my calls.

It's not quite right when I managed to get him yesterday afternoon, only to know he has just been discharged from the hospital.

He was hospitalised for the past 10 days and had an operation.

It's not quite right that my sisters did not tell me about it.

Because Dad told them not to.

It's not quite right that they all agree not to tell me.

Because Dad knows pre-CNY is TFL's busiest period.

And I would be running about like a mad hatter.

Barely just meeting delivery schedules and launch dates, with bedtimes being the waking times of normal people.
What he didn't know was a photoshoot messed up and there was no launch this week.
Leaving me with only half the workload of usual.

The only thing that feels right was I had bought hospitalisation insurance for him.

Girls, if you can afford, get full hospitalisation insurance for your parents.

If not, at least partial is better than nothing.

Get a rider, apart from the basic plan.

More comprehensive coverage.

Life insurance does not suffice.

Hospitalisation stays are not something we can forsee.

I know of very few people who didn't have to stay in hospital for a period or so, when they get old.

Dad's 10-day hospital stay & operation came up to S$7K+.
In 2005, he was hospitalised and had an op done too. Total bill was S$9K.

Imagine S$16K+ hospitalisation expense in less than 7 years.
Not something I can claim from life insurance, because it was not a critical illness.
And we don't know what lies ahead.

It's really not right that my work is taking up so much of my time.

That I seem to have none left for anything else.

Or anyone else.
This got to change in 2012.

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

Pre-CNY delivery

 Since Dec, my weekends have been very hectic and filled to the brim with activities.

Mainly TFL-related.
Festive shopping means festive working.

Receiving new stock arrivals, stock packing, preparing Monday's parcels, and pulling all-nighters to do up photos for next launch.

Pretty much burned weekend. 

Looking forward to the CNY week break.

Though I have mastered several soups ever since I have my own place, my parents have never tried my cooking before.

Only my mum who had a taste of my Lotus Root soup and tomato fried rice.

She said it's such a huge blessing that she's going to buy 4D.

Mum is ever so good at sarcasm.

The Husband spent 3 hours cleaning our fridge.

He took out every single tray to wash.

Looks like new, doesn't it?

It was disgusting-ly full.

He cleared 3 bags of expired food and rubbish.

 I know, I'm a lousy housewife.

It's all TFL's fault. *point finger*

Discovered the fridge was not its usual form 2 weeks ago. 

We thought putting it through deep cleansing & exfoliation will whip the fridge back to shape.

The Husband even scrubbed the dust off the wiring getup at the back of the fridge.

But alas, it's still not cold.

Think we need to get someone in. =(

Told my mum about this and she said she had never had her fridge of 11 years broken down before.

What did I do wrong??

Found time to cook ABC soup for yesterday's dinner.

Brought some to 娘家 after I was done with TFL work.

Reached about 10pm, with only 10% battery left.

But nothing beats seeing my 娘家. 

Fried rice from the neighbourhood coffee shop.

It's so easy to find good food at old residential areas like Tiong Bahru.

Even at unearthly hours like 3am.

When I was living at Woodlands, finding nice food especially late at night is like mission impossible!

The amount of CNY goodies we delivered to my family.

花菇﹑發菜﹑魚漂﹑魚膠﹑ 白木耳﹑干貝﹑無酒臘腸 and dried mussels.

Lovely springrolls with pork floss, love letters from Bengawan Solo (the nicest I ever have!) and a carton of mandarin oranges the Husband hand-picked at NTUC.

 

Plus a bottle of home-made pineapple rolls.

 My mother-in-law used to make them every year but having a full-time job now means I gonna order them elsewhere.

Got them from Auntie Susan after reading Peggy's blog.

I ordered 9 bottles last week, but her Premium Pineapple Rolls are sold out.

Have to settle for the Crispy Pineapple Rolls at S$18 per bottle.

Topped up S$10 for delivery.

I haven't tried them yet, but I'm sure homemade versions are always better than the factory ones!

Plus, the fillings are from fresh pineapples!

That's not easy, you know!

裕發海味補品行 Joo Huat Trading

349 Rochor Road #B1-23, #B1-31

Fu Lu Shou Complex

Singapore 188425

Tel: 63383118, 63383575

Forget about 正中平 (ZTP) or 福華 (Hock Hwa)!

I say this might be even better than Eu Yan Sheng.

Babes, this is the best place to buy all your CNY goodies!

For yourself, your parents, grandparents or (potential) in-laws!

Better priced & super value for money!

They have very fresh and reasonably priced 海味 + yummy nuts like cashew nuts, pistachios, macadamia + Chinese herbs + Chinese sausages + super delicious mini spring rolls with pork floss!

Pre-CNY, their red dates come in jumbo size, almost the height of my thumb!

Super sweet and makes the seed extraction a breeze.

You must buy their dried longans too!

That plus the red dates, you will have a potent Longan + Red Date tea for Lunar New Year!

Best in your neighbourhood! Hahaha!

You know it's really good when there are always tons of aunties there!

Especially over the weekends.

The Husband drove down to buy the goodies after work and had to scramble for the shopkeepers' attention because the aunties behind will always be cutting his queue.

I wasn't there, but I can imagine how squashed the Husband was.

Hahaha!

A taste of how difficult it is to be a housewife, dear!

I've been buying there for at least 5 years and every year, my family and in-laws will tell me how fresh their products are.

Score points!

Though their packaging are not as fancy as others, I think it's more important that the food items are really great.

You might be able to bluff with beautiful packaging, but it's the food quality that will impress the elders.

The variety of CNY goodies the Husband buys for my family is the same as what I buy for my in-laws yearly.

I've been doing that ever since we got together.

Mum always says as a daughter-in-law, buying gifts for the Husband's parents is a must.

The in-laws have 3 kids, with the Husband being the eldest.

So you can imagine the amount of CNY goodies they receive every year from the other halves of their children.

It's really A LOT!

Can fill the whole long dining table for 8!

The I-find-it-tasteless-yet-every-year-I-still-buy abalone.

For the families.

Can't believe Joo Huat sells it at S$34, when Cold Storage was peddling it at S$42.80 during a 3-day discount promotion.

So much indulgent feasting going to happen.

I must teach Mum proper on how to chant 往生咒.

Did I mention before that she finally took refuge, aka officially become a Buddhist, last Nov?

I was over the moon! =)

 Happy that Mum likes her pre-CNY bag. =)

She always have a penchant for nude/white coloured bags.

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

My Monopoly dream

 When I was growing up, I had a grand dream of being a landlord lady.

You know, something like Monopoly.

Buy a house, rent it out, live on the rental and have the freedom of pursuing whatever my heart desires.

I reckon owning about 2 properties should be good enough.

The idea is I'm too free-spirited to be bounded by a job for years.

I didn't want my life to be just reporting for work from Mon-Fri.

At every stage of my life, I want to be doing something different.

I want to give my all to learning about Life.

Not just being an employee.

I'm not even contented with just being a boss, though my business is flourishing & there are so many loyal & supportive customers.

I don't like the idea of being stagnant or living a cookie-cutter life.

There is more to life than making money.

And how many of us only have 1 dream in our entire lives?

What we think and what happened in reality are often polarities apart.

So here I am, writing on a blog, mostly read by my beloved customers.

I once even harboured the dream of buying a condo unit for my parents.

They have went through a lot of ups and downs in their lives.

And I used to think that if I make it to being a university graduate, I will have the means to give my parents a better life.

But there were school loans, wedding, house reno and then Tian Fen Lan.

All of which used up most of my savings.

The past few months, I have been seeing a lot of condo flyers around my estate.

The one I was really keen in was Greenwich at Seletar Hills.

I even got the Husband to drive past it a couple of times.

Even my geomancer says I can go for it.

Yes, if I have the moolah.

One of my girl pals was telling me she used to think that after graduating, she will be able to get a good-paying job easily, and not long after be able to shop at high-end labels like Gucci and the likes.

But despite graduating with first class honours, she took a year before she could find a stable job.

Even with that, her dreams of shopping at Gucci only realised after she turned 30.

And even then, it was probably once or twice a year.

Definitely not every other weekend.

I almost bought a condo unit at Tiong Bahru 7-8 years ago.

Those were the days when condo units are selling at half of current prices.

But I was silly enought to give up the idea, because I was only in my mid-twenties and the idea of owning a property then overwhelms me.
Coward.

I could have afforded it with a decent housing loan.

It was something I regretted.

I never fancy buying branded bags, because I don't see much value in them and also, I avoid using leather whenever possible.

Have you ever watched that Youtube video where cows & calves get de-skinned?

It was horrid.

Apart from my fashion dream and pursuing Buddhist studies, the other thing that I ever wanted was my Monopoly dream.

I know some of my ex-colleagues already own at least 1 or 2 rental properties.

But that would mean I have to fly longer to achieve that.

Doesn't sound appealing either.

Still it was with a slight tinge of sadness when I saw the Greenwich flyer on the windscreen of the Husband's car.

I wonder when I will ever be able to give my parents a better life.

Oh, c'mon, grow Tian Fen Lan, grow!

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

Mum, what do you like?

My mother-in-law's birthday falls on Boxing Day.

Though I have never tell her right in her face, I really do love my mum-in-law.

She's one amazing woman.

A beacon of inspiration for me.

And in all true honesty, I feel women of the older generation seem to have more super powers than us.

Maybe they are fed with some magical milk powder when they're babies.

Maids are non-existent in our mums' and grandmums' generation.

But they usually have more kids than us. 

Like half a basketball team. If not, almost the whole team.

Just imagine the amount of laundry, cleaning and cooking they have to do.

From dusk till dawn.

And there're the husbands who don't have to lift a finger.

It's tougher to be a full-time housewife than to be a full-time career woman.

So last week, while the Husband & I were discussing about Mum-in-law's potluck party, I asked the Husband.

"What does your Mum like to eat? I see if I know how to cook that for her birthday."

He looked at me. Blinked once or twice. And continued looking at me.

My eyes widened.

"You mean being her son of 30 over years, you DON'T KNOW??"

  "Then what does she like to drink? Or favourite soup?"

It wasn't a productive conversation.

Except for a lame reply, "Kopi."

The Husband doesn't even know how his mum likes her coffee or if she has any favourite brand.

Then the Husband threw the question back at me.

I stayed with my in-laws for 3 years.

But I didn't know what my mum-in-law likes too.

Mum always cook sweet and sour pork for my sister-in-law.

Sister is gaga over that.

Mum realises I like green leafy vegetables, so from the usual baby corn with canned mushrooms and sliced carrots, she starts buying xiao bai cai and cai xin.

The family likes mixed noodle soup (e.g. beehoon with kway tiao/yellow noodle) for lunches, so Mum buys more yellow noodles when she saw me passing my beehoon to the Husband who will then give me his yellow noodles.

Grandma-in-law knows I'm a Cantonese and have reiterated to Mum to cook more soups and learn from her sister-in-law if she doesn't know how to.

Never mind that Mum's soups are far from what I'm used to in my own family.

Her efforts to prepare soups almost daily really touches me.

The Husband said he had never drank so much soups by his mum before.

I always finish the pot of soup, no matter what.

And I bought Mum the filter ladle to lift up the oils from the soups.

That makes it easier.

Mum can remember all my favourite dishes and she goes through the trouble to cook them for me, even after we moved into our own place.

Like steamed minced pork with chestnuts.

I don't fancy peeling & chopping chestnuts.

I rather spend the time on TFL emails.

Mum minces the pork with her deft chopping skills on a wooden chopping board.

I thought it was easy till I sent a slab of lean pork flying across my kitchen.

And no matter how hard I try, my minced pork is never minced enough.
How can mincing pork with a chopper be so hard???

The Husband couldn't do it better either, despite his self-proclaimed He-man powers.
Thankfully, the pork seller at the market & Cold Storage get the job done upon request.

Father-in-law loves green bean with barley soup and some dishes that I can never understand.

We practically know what one another in the family likes.

Because Mum always cook it and tell us who it is meant for.

But no one has ever asked Mum what she likes.

I wanted to ask her during her birthday.

But I was so fascinated with the chocolate fondue fountain I rented for her party that I forgot.

Come to think of it, I don't know what my own mother likes, apart from chocolate cake & steamed fish.
My dad likes Kopi-O and...erm...
Oh, this is great.

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

Hey Happy, where are you?

 Thought this was mad amusing when I saw the pics in the Husband's Iphone.

That's Happy, his family dog.

The Husband's younger sister loves dogs. All kinds of them.

Happy was a present from her husband to her and now a family dog.

She bought the Ikea dog as a companion for Happy.

Once when sister-in-law dropped by my place, I turned around to find her at the gate of my neighbour's home, making friends with their big pet dog.
He's really big. If he stands on his hind legs, he's almost as tall as me. *gasp*
She was baby-talking to the dog and calling him by his name, engraved on his collar.
I didn't even know the dog's name then.

The Husband gleefully showed the photos to his 83-year-old Grandpa.
“公，你猜哪一只是真的？”
After a few seconds,
“那只比較黑的咯，對嗎？”

 I'm convinced I married into a family of jokers.

From the latest launch, I'm beginning to feel the heat of the festive peak hitting TFL.

Think from now till CNY, it would be a mad whirlwind.

On Wednesday, at least 10 hours of my waking hours were spent on the inbox, packing parcels, rushing to the PO and then back to stuffing & measuring bags for the next photoshoot.

All I ate on Wed was a Happy meal of chicken nuggets and half a pack of Nachos.

No proper food. By the time I'm done with everything, I'm too tired to eat.

It was a mad mad day.

On the launch day, the mailing list server was rejected by Hotmail.

Thousands of rejected mails flooded TFL's inbox. I had to key in one email by one email into a new mailing list server for almost 15 hours.

Data entry. Arrgh.

My right hand/fingers/wrist/forearm is still hurting from all the million times of clicking.

By the time I thought of a more brillant way to speed things up, I was already halfway done.

I recognise so many regulars' emails. So many are Hot(mail) babes!

Not complaining though, I really enjoy working for Tian Fen Lan. =D

Can go on and on and on and on, skip all meals & even drinking water and just be glued to the TFL inbox or mad packing parcels.

I love my job. Spinning dreams in the shape of bags.

Sometimes after a bad day at whatever, getting back to TFL inbox cheers me up.

These days, after parcel posting, I have a new-found snack.

Prima Deli plain waffle! With a can of Coke, of course. *grins*

I love their Choc fudge cake at S$4.60 per block. Cheap & good for chocoholics.
Nowadays, you pay more for a slice of good chocolate cake than a Happy meal.

While buying a waffle the other day, I saw a number of customers buying their D24 Durian Fudge cake.

In rectangular blocks too! Think it's less than S$10.

Never knew of its existance till now.

I like durian. Going to try it one day.

Think I'm going to grow more muscles after X'mas.

I want my chocolate log cake.

 

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

媽媽真厲害！

 I remembered watching Ms Jamie Teo on national TV, when she participated in Miss Singapore 2001.

The question she got during the Q&A session was something like,

"What do you think it's the greatest challenge to modern women?"

Jamie's answer was, if I remembered correctly,

"Being a married woman who have to balance the difficulties of managing her family & the challenges of having her own career."

Pardon me that I couldn't remember word for word. 

But that is the essence of her answer.

My reaction at that time was...duh? -___-

Thought it should be a more epic answer.

I just joined the working world then.

Now I totally take that back. 

Ever since we moved into our own home 3 years ago and started TFL, it finally dawned on me the realism of Jamie's answer.

And my inadequacy in performing well enough in my mutliple roles.

I am very impressed by my mum-in-law. 

How she managed to take care of her family (4 of them) and supported her husband in whatever he did.

After I become a wife, I fully realise how noble my mum and my mum-in-law are and how difficult it is to stay on the path.

無怨無悔不是那麽容易。

And to be good at it, that's even more impossible.

I count myself lucky that I have been surrounded by very inspiring & dedicated women all my life.

My mum, my aunt, my godmum, my grandaunts, my grandma and my mum-in-law.

姜真的是老的辣！

 Sometimes when I am down, I count on my memories of them to pull me through. 

Cannot fall, cannot fall, must be strong to hold up everything.

要堅強才能一直撐起整個家。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mum-in-law started working as a pre-school teaching assistant about a few months ago.

She loves the job a lot. 

I remember her calling me and sharing with me her new job & work environment with joy.

She has not worked for a quite a long time. 

We are all really happy for her that everything is going well.

She even received Teachers' Day presents from the kids, which really brought her lots of smiles. 

Mum-in-law built this 'MRT train' at home, all by herself, with pieces of styrofoam and coloured paper. 

It was to teach the kids the various modes of transport in Singapore.
Mum even wrapped the props with plastic, so that they will be more durable.
I love the train's headlights! So cute! Hahaha!

She even added in the driver's console and stuck the yellow tape on the floor, just like the real platform!

Bet you didn't see the emergency alarm button, 'reserved for people with special needs' sticker and the MRT lines map located above the seats!

I am so impressed!

She might be a part-timer but look at her dedication and effort!

The Husband says Mum is now 'building' a ship at home.

Knowing my mum-in-law, I'm certain she will excel. =)

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

婆婆，你還好嗎？

 I've been wanting to write this down for years. 

Now that I've a space to write, I don't know how to start.

Without a heavy heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you like mooncakes?

I do, very much.

Not the traditional ones though.

A tad too heaty for me.

For the past 10 years at least, I buy those from East Ocean Teochew Restaurant.

This year, they expanded to more sale outlets.
Apart from the usual Taka Fair, Bugis Junction, CCK Lot One, East Ocean mooncakes are also available at NEX and Compass Point! =D

Mini snowskin mooncakes!

They used to do it with lotus paste and almond flakes in it.

The crunchy almond flakes are so nice!

But now they only have it with Custard, Lotus Paste and Green Tea.

If you buy the big ones, they come with yolks.

That I can do without.
For the first time this year, I tried Goodwood Park snowskin durian mooncakes.
And wow, they were really yummy!
I wish I bought more!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tried starting off with a distraction, but my mind is still a blank.

It was another day of me bringing Grandma to SGH for her bi-weekly medical checkup.

Hospital waits were always long and dreadful.
In a clinical environment surrounded by tens and tens of ill people.
Not exactly inspiring.
But in the 2-3 hour wait, I had to stay upbeat and chit-chat with Grandma to keep her spirits up.

“你整天要飛來飛去，婆婆老了，

我懂你孝順。你忙，你就不用來看婆婆了”

“不會啦，婆婆！我下班后，閑得很！”

Truth is, I was always dog dead tired, travelling from Woodlands to Lower Delta, many a times still in a jet-lagged and muscle-aching condition.

Woodlands (my in-laws home) was far from everywhere, except Johor.
I really think so.

Even if I took a cab, I needed 45 minutes to reach.

There were days I wish I didn't have to go.

But I was the only working adult in the extended family who had off days on weekdays.

The doctor always schedule Grandma's appointments on weekdays.

Given the horrendous queue on weekdays, I dared not imagine having to go SGH on a weekend.

Hearing Grandma saying those words above pained me a lot.

It was like her telling me that she was prepared to be neglected and not see the doctor anymore.

And just wait for the inevitable. 

 “等一下，你跟醫生說我的肚子很痛。”

Grandma had cervical cancer. 

She didn't wanted to do any operation.

As days went by, she complained of the increasing pains in her body.

In Westeren medicine, the doctor can only prescribed painkillers.

Everytime, I would try to comfort and console her that it will get better or lame stuff like telling her not to think about the pain and focus on something else.

Cancer medication was very costly.

Thank goodness I could pay for it via my Medisave.

There comes a time whereby I just ran out of words to say.
Because the pain in her was slowly devouring a lot of her. 
I didn't know if lying was the best way to comfort her.

“我不知道能不能夠看到你結婚。” 

“婆婆，我下個月就結婚了！你一定會看到我嫁人！說不定，你還會看到我生孩子！

我買新衣服給你那天穿。你一定要來看我結婚！”

Grandma was teary-eyed the whole 2 days during my wedding celebrations.

I took lots of photos with her.

Whenever I visited Grandma, I always ask her,

“婆婆，你好嗎？”

Of course, I already knew the answer.

I would act hyper, make a clown out of myself and crack silly jokes to cheer Grandma up.

She used to sit in her favourite chair in the living room and watch TV.

She could still go to the market in her wheelchair and chit-chat with her kakis.

Then one day, she could only lie down on her bed and watch the world go by.

It never fail to be a challenge to get Grandma on and off the taxis for her medical appointments.

The maid was definitely more expert than me.

Taxi uncles we met were so helpful and patient.

Thank you to you all!

 “婆婆, 你要不要歸依？每個人心裏都應該有個歸屬，日後你才知道要往哪裏去。你既然曾供奉觀音菩薩十多年，不如就歸依佛門，和我歸依一樣的師父，好嗎？”

“哈哈哈！你幾時變得那麽迷信啊？”

It was a hilarious moment when Grandma started crackling in the taxi enroute to hospital.

I was like, "Since when it's 'official-ing' your religious direction a supersition??"
"Grandma, you're the one who have been sewing the robes for Guan Yin all those years!"
Haha! #defensive

Grandma's condition was deteriorating rapidly.
I knew the day was near.
Grandma has never mentioned what type of funeral she wanted.
Maybe like most elder Chinese, they don't like to talk about death.

Or maybe, they didn't know there's a difference.

Eventually, she did took refuge.
That was a huge relief to me.

I taught her how to chant Amituofo.
I told her to direct her thoughts to be reborn in the Pureland.<
That was the only thing I could talk to her during her last days.

I mean, what else matters then?
Money, career, marriage, family, travel, aspirations?
The things we talk about when we meet our girlfriends?

Or continue giving her false hope that she will recover miraclously?

“師父，可否請您幫我算我的婆婆還有多少時間？請您告訴我， 好讓我能安排在新加坡!”

I hated flying.
I had no freedom of time to speak of.

Master Dai Hu wasn't willing to do the prediction for me.
It was one of the taboos for a geomancer.

I persisted.
I couldn't imagine being in some far-flung land and unable to fly back to Singapore, simply there is NO flight back on that day or NO seat available.

“不過八月十五。”
 
Never done it in my 6 years of flying, but I was all prepared to get an MC, by hook or by crook.
If my roster takes me away nearing that period.

“Miss Lee, your grandmother has to be warded. She has a drastic drop in her blood count. We need to do a blood transfusion for her.”

That was the first time I admitted Grandma into the hospital, after her medical appointment.

I was 27. 

I tried calling my mum to ask her if I could proceed.

Mum couldn't be reached.

It was unnerving at that moment to make the decision on the spot.

I wished I didn't have to handle such big decisions at that time.

I was supposed to be an adult, but I felt like a kid who wasn't ready to handle these kind of responsibilities.

During Grandma's hospital stay, I spent 3-4 hours there till midnight.
Talking to her.
Watching her fall in and out of sleep.
Accompanying her to chant silently.
And just being there.

Seeing death creeping onto her face ever so slowly and taking all of the life left in her was very heartbreaking.

She was discharged after a week.

Then one week later, she was admitted again.
By me again, after her medical appointment.

It was the fourteenth day of the eighth month, in the Lunar Calendar.

I was deliberating whether to return home to sleep.
I was totally washed out over the last few weeks.

Doc said her condition was stable after blood transfusion.

Colour was evident in Grandma's face.
In fact, she was looking even better than the past few months.
She told me to go home and rest.
I hesitated, remembering Master Dai Hu's prediction.
Grandma insisted.

I thought, for a flicking second, maybe she would pull through this again.
Everything was looking good.
Maybe my prayers were heard.
Maybe Master Dai Hu would be wrong this time.

And I went home around 130am.
On the fifteenth day of the eighth month, in the Lunar Calendar.

“You quick come! Quick come! Ah Ma calling for you! She want see you!”

 
It was 1020am.
The maid called me in a fluster.
I asked about Grandma's conditon.
But we couldn't understand each other very well.
I thought it was just Grandma waking up and wondering where I was.

I couldn't get a cab. 

I reached SGH at 130pm.
My relatives were already there.
Crying.

I didn't make it.
I didn't make it.
I didn't make it. 
Grandma passed away.
On the fifteenth day of the eighth month, in the Lunar Calendar.

Why the hell did I go home?
Why was I such a smart alec to think I know better?
Why on earth did I ask and not believe Master Dai Hu?
Where was I when Grandma was calling for me?
Oh damn it, damn it, why do I even need to sleep?

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wish I was there to hold Grandma's hands, as she took her last breath.
I wish she didn't have to die, waiting for me to come & wanting to see me.
I wish she didn't die with only a maid by her side, because everyone thought she would pull through.
I wish I told my family earlier about Master Dai Hu's prediction.

I wish I wasn't so rash and emotional then.
I wish I didn't throw a tantrum at my family during Grandma's funeral.
My goodness, what was I even thinking?

And I will never have a chance to redo everything all over again.

I never forgive myself.

I don't want to forgive myself.
I fear I will have the same regret when the same thing happens to my other loved ones, if I forgive myself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

婆婆，

你還好嗎？
我沒有飛來飛去了。
我現在做自己很喜歡的生意，設網店賣女生的包包，也有自己品牌的包包和鞋子。
我的店名是“添芬藍”。
添購的添，芬芳的芬，藍空的藍。
你覺得好聽嗎？是師父取的。
他說這名字會大大幫助我打響名聲。 
真的有哦！添芬藍有上新明日報和時尚雜誌耶！
快三年了，一切都很穩定。
有很多女生說她們很喜歡添芬藍的商品。
有時，我做到很辛苦但讀了她們的電郵就會很開心！

今年， 在你的忌日前，我已念了地藏經回向給你﹑公公和祖先。
我還會念多兩遍，功德都回向給你們。
我也抄了兩本真佛經，並折 了蓮花焚化給你們。
你們不要忘記念佛哦！
不要一直眷念我們哦！

對唔住，婆婆。
係我唔乖，係我不孝。
我會改。 我會更懂事。
 對唔住，婆婆。

Metta,
欣雨 Xinyu

This post is written over a span of 5 days, from 11-16 Sept.

But I backdate it to be published on 12 Sept, 10:45am.

八月十五，1045am.

The time Grandma left.